New Year’s Eve

Sing Auld Lang Syne with your partner, among friends and in black tie. Beginning at 9 pm, welcome 2011 with preceding time zones by leading a toast at every hour until midnight; after the local turn, you should be drunk enough to consider driving west for another ball drop. (Don’t unless you’re pretty sure you can drive.) In the morning, set your resolutions for the coming year: longer brunches, less feigned interest, more desserts after better movies, continued growth, extended holidays and consistent updates to your blog.

EXCEPTION: Readers in the Republic of Kiribati should hurry to the Independent State of Samoa after greeting their New Year to toast the memory of their future celebration 23 times. Once there, soothsay every reference to 2010 pop culture as “dullsville” in 2011 and lord your clairvoyance over all, especially the one you love.