Sharing Dessert

The modern lover approaches dessert the same way they do life (the cereal, not the board game, which sucks). It should be poured out deliberately into the bowl of existence and then savored, not soldiered through in an act of self-effacing familial obligation. As such, dessert is best when shared on a date; to enjoy it alone is just a prelude to an intervention. Additionally, Candy Land is a way better board game.

Let it be noted, nay, heralded at the outset that chocolate is king; keep fruit for a festive headdress at Carnival or a meaningless gift in basket form. A chocolate dessert is the ultimate climax of any meal, and not without cause; it is, of course, an aphrodisiac. Regardless of where the evening may end, adding a chemical imbalance to any date is sure to be a boon to both parties (anyone slinging glow sticks under a strobe light will verify this). Tread carefully, though, because while aphrodisiacs are good, they must be properly packaged inside a Mile High Mud Pie, a truffle, soufflé or creamy mousse. Common slips in logic that ignore this fact can have briny, overstuffed consequences. Consider the following Aristotelian transitive property mistreatment:

Chocolate dessert is an aphrodisiac.
Oysters are an aphrodisiac.
Oysters are a chocolate dessert.

Negative, Spaceghost.

For those who do not chase the cocoa dragon, there is a plethora of other options that still fit the bill. Desserts are so vast they usually have their own menu and are oft times previewed before the meal in embalmed form. Take your time, and choose one both parties will enjoy.

When dessert is finally served, do not be the first to start eating. Always wait out your partner. Begin telling a story or read a text message; drop your spoon as many times as necessary. Winning this battle of the wills is key, allowing the victor the best opportunity to playfully intercept the opposing fork just before it penetrates the outer edge of your shared confectionery, earning uber flirt points.

To compliment the outing’s itinerary with a bit of sweet mischief, consider heading to a different restaurant for dessert, or carry your treat to somewhere outdoors for an impromptu picnic. If you can overcome the creepiness of using yum-yums to lure the object of your affection into the woods alone at night, a romantic evening of epic proportions will surely ensue.

EXCEPTION: Do not enjoy a dessert in Pankot Palace (chilled monkey brains, anyone?).

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4 thoughts on “Sharing Dessert

  1. hey the reference to the aristotle tranitive property is actually called categorical syllogism. just fyi.

  2. Great post on sharing desert. “Chocolate is an aphrodesiac…”

    I found you via a search for “Dating” on WordPress. If you’re interested, I’ve started a site for real-time updates from your dates, http://www.LuvvBugg.com. I built it cause all my friends were telling me these crazy stories from their dates, so I thought it would be cool to capture the moment and also allow their friends to comment, provide advice or a joke in real-time. Given you talk about dating, I thought you might want to check it out. Give it a shot.
    Cheers,
    Scott

  3. These are flipping fantastic lol. I plan to read all of them, but this is how far I’ve gotten so far…I’m writing a blog on Love, but I just started a couple months ago so it’s developing. Mine has a variety of different types of posts, so not as much of this type of stuff yet, but you are way more witty than I am. Love it :)

    Also, just wondering…are you two guys? They both say “suitor” which implies a male…just curious since I am a female and it would be interesting to get the opposite perspective on everything. :)

    • I’m so glad you liked our blog! Despite being two guys, we want the blog to be universal, if even in a “tongue-in-cheek” kind of way. Our attempts to stay gender neutral are almost absurd. I hope to have a female contributor soon, so stay tuned!

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