Love, true love, it has the power to make you smile uncontrollably and wrap your partner in the glowing aura of all your hopes. It can give you wings yet somehow also becomes the wind beneath them. This is the kind of love the modern romantic searches for; and as with any quest, be it from the Shire to Mount Doom or out of the fruity maze on the back of a box of Frankenberry, knowing where to start is as important as knowing where to end.
Inasmuch, true love starts with beauty. Admittedly, for such a pure and eternal thing to begin at such a transient place is counter intuitive. However, consider this: Love is the most beautiful of things, and beauty is the most loved; ergo it makes sense that love should be triggered by its most dominant trait. Another example of this phenomenon is the television show “Two and a Half Men”. It is an incredibly stupid show, and necessarily requires an incredibly stupid audience for it to flourish. Love is an amazingly beautiful thing and therefore requires beauty to grow. The primary adjective becomes the catalyst. Love is analogous to a poorly written sitcom. But wait, you ask, aren’t we as human beings more intelligent creatures than that? Don’t we value permanence and depth of character above superficial attributes? No, we are not, and no, we do not. Watch the Bachelor.
Beauty, although a facade, should not be taken lightly. The natural choice in every human affair is to love and choose beauty. Indeed, only beauty can marginalize other shortcomings, brighten our day and further bolster the pure sweetness of existence. Additionally, when alien civilizations do make contact, we all want them to be impressed by our stunning bodies and symmetrical faces. This fact proves that applying a mandate of beauty to your dating life will adhere to the Categorical Imperative for morality, making a respect for beauty and disdain for ugliness not just an intelligent path, but an ethical one.
Put directly, then, love begins with beauty. To the modern lover this means one thing: be beautiful. Enhance the qualities you hold, whether a great smile, eyes like the sea after a storm or a passively potent sexuality. Position yourself and your life in a posture to showcase your beauty. Sit with your lazy eye facing away from your partner, stay awake all night to conceal a loud snore and expose your skin deliberately but under the guise of accident. Remember, whorishness is desirable only when exercised unintentionally. Oops, a nipple!
Enhance your attractive features and smother the beautiful object of your affection with them endlessly. In this way you will be proud to introduce them into your social circle, rather than fearing their silent ridicule. Friends may let friends date ugly, but not without a sympathy coated snicker.
EXCEPTION: If you cannot find beauty, settle for money.